master of disappointment

i've mastered the art of disappointment.
i know it inside out.
all those years of being disappointed,
of things not pushing through at the last moment.

that's my story.

there's the expectant feeling, wistful, hopeful,
that something great will happen.
just when you think things will start
turning out for the better...

it doesn't.

it doesn't even go downhill.

it just...stops.

disappears.

like being swallowed up by a black hole.
that empty vacuum space.

that sometimes i'd think - did that even happen?

or was it just me overthinking, overanalyzing,
letting my mind drift, making up the story,
long before there even was a story.

i'm so used to it that i'm not even surprised
when it happens, in this case, doesn't happen
i'm more likely to be surprised
if something great happens.
i'd pinch myself to check if i'm dreaming.
or expect it to end, that somehow,
there's a fluke in the universe,
and its all a big joke.
they do say that if its too good to be true,
then it probably is.

i just want someone to surprise me.
to break the cycle. someone not afraid to be different.
to not be like any other jerk in the planet.