after 15,000 miles...

i go back to the same shit.

why do i bother?

why do i run away, only to find myself back in the same place?

nothing has changed.

whatever it was that i thought i would find, by going away, isn't there.

its not here, nor there.

so what's the point?

joke time

putangina. ang joke.

seriously.

what if i all i was meant for is to be a mistress? what if all i'm good for, is to be someone else's someone? what if i don't deserve to be someone's special someone? and that i'll always be the other one?

so tired.

so anyway...

maybe i ought to write more often no? humm, but that means i should have a lot of new, exciting stuff to talk about. who wants to read about the same old boring things but written differently every time?

was looking at past entries and noticed that i didn't have a year in review for 2010. shucks, too late for that now. anyway, i think it wasn't as bad as i thought it was. just that i didn't have time to write it because i was preoccupied with waiting expectantly for news on the SG job. and i was, sort of, making 'life plans' if it does, or does not push through.

fastforward to now, here i am in a different place, but not so different state. ah well, at least one thing has changed. can't have it all right? :P

uhm yeah, about that, i'm trying this new thing called being optimistic and hopeful. so far, it hasn't been going so well. clearly haha and one other thing called patience? does anyone know where to buy that? :P

one week

ehrm...yeah... i guess that's one sure sign that one's getting older - we don't look forward to birthdays. anymore.

so not excited for my birthday.

muay thai trial class later tonight. i hope its not so expensive. i need to get more fit.

oops, i did it again

i always do this no? why can't i see a good thing even if it hits me in the eye? either i mess it up or i run away from it. its like i don't really wanna be happy. because if i finally am, then i don't have the right to complain.

work, personal. its the same shit. my judgment is getting really really bad.

(disclaimer: nothing really terrible happened that made me come to this conclusion, its just a pile up of 'small' things over the past weeks, months, etc).

i dunno. just that i 'ran away' without really thinking about my next step. all i knew that time was i needed the break, i needed this change. without preparing myself for the change. ergo, things are the same. but in a different place.

i need my drive back. i hope i don't mess this one up.