The Sacrament of Waiting by Fr. James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton once wrote that those who serve stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakeable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts than all the great deeds of derring-do that go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery—a natural sacrament of life. There is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting—testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in our self-control—pasensya na lang. We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations, and bus depots are temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one—or wait in sadness to say goodbye and to give that last wave of hand. We wait for birthdays and vacations; we wait for Christmas. We wait for spring to come or autumn—for the rains to begin or stop.

And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next step. We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success, and recognition. We wait to grow up—to reach the stage where we make our own decision.

We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is part of the tapestry of living—the fabric in which the threads are woven that tell the story of our lives.

Yet the current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait. “Grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America’s great beer advertisements—Get it now. Instant pleasure—instant transcendence. Don’t wait for anything. Life is short—eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you’ll die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom—premarital sex and extramarital affairs—they warn against attachment and commitment, against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us, against vows and promises, against duty and responsibility, against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and to wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure—but even that is fleeting and doubtful. What was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure? “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Now if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, souls as well as heart, we have to learn to love someone else other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery brushing by our face everyday like stray wind or a leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has ever loved knows how much waiting goes into it, how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this so? Why can’t we have love right now—two years, three years, five years—and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit, the seed to flower, carbon to change into a diamond.

There is no simple answer, no more than there is to life’s demands: having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have already made other commitments, or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives, having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your path. Goodbyes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth—the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we love them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting—of being present without making demands or asking rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other until they can see things the same way, or let each other freely see things in quite different ways. What do we lose when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance and intimacy of the way they were? They have to wait—in silence—but still be present to each other until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory, and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait? When we try to find short cuts through life, when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of ever truly loving or being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature. Isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with the strange but common mystery—that waiting is part of the substance, the basic fabric—against which the story of that true love is written?

How can we ever find either life of love if we are too impatient to wait for it?

on diving and life plus early recap of 2010

been really really negligent on writing. i should, more often, because it helps me get through the messy stuff in my head.

all a jumble and tangle of thoughts. one issue to the next. trivial, important, urgent, not so urgent.

2011's coming up 'round the corner. bracing myself for big changes. can't decide which one yet to pursue. but definitely, it'll be pretty major. lots of responsibilities, bigger accountability. it'll be a sink or swim theme, i bet.

i couldn't have scheduled learning how to dive at just the right time.

1) i know i can do something if i condition my mind to do it. even if its my biggest fear, i know i'll have the courage to do it. when needed. if i really want to.

2) sure, we say its all in the mind. but its also about the heart. even if we "fool" ourselves into thinking we can do it, but if our heart is aflutter, we won't be able to push ourself to go through it. mind and heart has to sync.

3) when it really counts, when the stakes are high, you can't panic. and you can't make a mistake. just be calm and remember everything you've been taught. you're even taught the correct way to panic.

4) remember to breathe. never hold your breath when you're under water.

5) equalize every few feet. as you go down, the pressure gets greater and it presses on you. quite literally. so its important to equalize.

5) its important to have a reference point. when you're in "limbo" and you don't know which is up or down, when you're in open sea and everything is blue, you need this reference point to guide you, to anchor you and keep you right side up.

6) you can't stay underwater, with tons of pressure, for a long time. you have to resurface and let your body normalize, breathe in fresh air and not tank air. and let the nitrogen build up in the body dissolve. the deeper you go down (more pressure), the less time you can spend there. the longer time you need to resurface as well.

7) there are a lot of checks and safety measures. remember them all. don't go under the water without doing a thorough check.

8) its a buddy system. you need someone you trust, in case things go wrong, he/she should be able to take care of you.

2010's definitely a better year for career, family, friends. uhm, on relationships, i just have to say its been interesting ;P much too much, but then, that's "normal" even for me.

trips have been great! been to a whole lot of new places. learned so much and did so many amazing things.

i really can't say about 2011. too soon to tell. and it'll depend on which to-do in my list i prioritize. its another wait-and-see mode.

weird dream last night.

Earthquake
To dream of an earthquake, suggests that you are experiencing a major "shake-up" that is threatening your stability and foundation. The dream highlights your insecurity, fears and sense of helplessness. Is there something in your life that you feel at "fault" for?

If you find cover from the quake, you will overcome these challenges. If you become trapped or injured during the quake, you will suffer some sort of loss in your life. According to the bible, earthquakes symbolize God's anger and power.

Flood
To dream that you are in a flood, represents your need to release some sexual desires. If the flood is raging, then it represents emotional issues and tensions. Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you. Consider where the flood is for clues as to where in your waking life is causing you stress and tension. Alternatively, the dream indicates that you are overwhelming others with your demands and strong opinion. Still another interpretation could be your desire to wipe everything clean and make a fresh new start.

Lost
To dream that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. If you try to call for help, then it means that you are trying to reach out for support. You are looking for someone to lean on. Alternatively, being lost means that you are still adjusting to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing.